Forgiveness

Matthew 6:14-15

¹⁴ For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you…

Matthew 18:21-22

²¹ Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

²² Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Seventy times seven God?  But you have no clue how much that hurt me.  You have no idea how much that angered me!  How will I ever trust them again?  How will I move past this?  I’ll do what you say….

But have you forgiven?  Forgive is a verb whose definition is to stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw or mistake.  It is also defined as cancelling a debt.

Often times we move on with forgiveness as a noun, it’s a thing that we do because we are told to do so by the word of the Lord.  We use the noun of forgiveness as a band aid to cover an open wound that needs greater attention.  When utilizing forgiveness as a noun we don’t actually complete the act of forgiving the offense or person.  We just use the word as a filler in a sentence to make us feel good about ourselves and wear forgiveness as a badge of strength on our uniform of “perfection”.  What we actually do is use the badge of forgiveness to cover the bacteria and infection of bitterness, anger and often end up with bruising.

You can't forgive without loving. And I don't mean sentimentality. I don't mean mush. I mean having enough courage to stand up and say, 'I forgive. I'm finished with it.' - Maya Angelou

If we moved in forgiveness, the actual act of it, we’d have to go through the process, it’s the process that pains us so.  In the process we have to visit the offense again.  In reexamining that wound we will find the part and areas affected or in some cases infected and will have to start the cleansing process in order for the actual healing to begin. 

Many of us don’t move in the realm of empathy or compassion when we get to this part.  We don’t see things from that person’s perspective.  It’s too much to think that they may have been wounded before and are acting out of past afflictions.  It’s difficult to consider they were not taught the proper way to love.  In the same essence, we can and often should take into consideration that this fault of hurting others is now a “character” of the person or that this person is never fully aware of what they’ve done.  Yet we are still required to forgive.

In the cleansing process of forgiveness we must also look into ourselves, this is the most challenging.  Because you have to consider that if you wronged someone, how would you want them to treat you?  Would you want individuals to write you off and make you nonexistent in their lives or would you like the opportunity to offer the “olive branch” and move on?  Did you have a role in the offense due to a past encounter that you didn’t seek forgiveness on?

Once we examine our faults or seek compassion for ourselves we can give compassion to others.  In this, we don’t have to forgive and instantly return to the person with the level of trust and relationship that we had before.  You don’t have to.  Because in your returning to that person or relationship, if done right, you’d return better than you were before.

How?

Isa. 43:25

“I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake; And I will not remember your sins.”

This may be coming from God but we who have the spirit of God in us have the ability to move on with a clean slate.  Think of this.  I posted recently that we must become like little children.

Matt. 18:3 NIV

And he said: "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

This scripture does not only apply in the area of faith, but also in our behavior.  Consider this:  you take your child to a new park, there are children playing that your child does not know.  The child comes to you after five minutes of playing with a new child to ask if their “friend” can have a snack with you or perhaps share one of their toys.  As an adult, we teach our kids to not call people “friend” so easily as we consider this a title to be earned in action and relationship.  Regardless, your child will play with this kid.  Say another comes along to play with the new “friend” and they abandon your child.  Your child will still say, my “friend” went to play with someone else.  Even if it’s minutes to an hour later, if that child comes back, often times they have not lost their title nor has your child ignored them and refused to play with them, unless you told them to do so.

Another example could be if you discipline your child.  That child will still come in at night to give you a kiss and say they love you, not even minutes after the incident.

If you look at each offense with that mindset, the mindset of a child, how easy would your life be?  Children really don’t have enemies.  In their mind, any act of kindness and interest is a moment to make a new friend.  Adults, due to awareness and experience often don’t have the same openness to other people.  If you meet someone that generally let’s things roll off their shoulder, they are called naïve.  Are they?

Is it possible that this person has come to take each moment in life on a minute by minute or second by second basis instead of an encounter by encounter or apology by apology mindset?

Consider the freedom of being able to just let go.  If you were a dandelion and everything that you needed for flourishing, for abundance, for joy and for increase in your life depended on you forgiving a person, you’d have to soften your heart, peel back your hardened exterior and let go.  You’d have to let go because everything that you hold on to in anger or hurt is going to eventually cause your purpose and moments of promise to die. 

Think of the things that could have happened that died waiting for you to move on from an “I’m sorry” or an “I apologize” that you never did or may never receive.  Consider the apologies that you missed.  Have you even forgiven yourself for pains you may have caused others due to selfishness, ignorance, an addiction, a rebellion or just plain immaturity?  Have you forgiven yourself for the things you’ve done that hurt you?

Take a moment and consider the cost.  Is it worth holding on to the anger or pain?  Has not letting go of that wrong made your life better or are you at peace with the pang you feel in your heart when you think of it?  How much more valuable would it be for not just you, but your family if the person you cut off was present or you returned your presence to the family?  Is the separation worth the lost time you can’t get back?  Is reminding the person that they hurt you helping your relationship or weakening it?  Do you like when people remind you of your past? 

I will conclude by saying, if you are ready to forgive, start with yourself.  I can lead you to the Lord’s prayer at Matt.6:9-13.  Here are others to review:

Acts 3:19
Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Daniel 9:9
The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him

Matthew 26:28
This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Christ has handled every single sin that man has committed on the cross.  The sins went with him into the burial ground.  He took it a step further and took them to hell.  When he rose from the dead, he came back with newness!  In that newness, there is liberty and freedom.  Remember that God’s mercies are new every morning. (Lam. 3:23)  He exhibits the heart and life that he wants us to live here.  Remember “thy kingdom come, thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven”.  So we have the ability and password to make things happen in our lives that may have not happened before.  We were given the access to this by Christ himself, our chief intercessor.

I pray you come to a place where you can be free from the bondage of unforgiveness and that you do so because your life depends on it.  God’s plan and purpose for you is to prosper and to do well.  Remember it is a process, but it is a necessary process that you must experience in order to walk in the abundant life that Christ has come to bring.

Thank you for reading.  Be blessed.